April 5th:
Well, you guys, jokes on me!
I thought April fools was on the first not today!
I woke up even more sick than the days before! So, I would
say, my health day was not enough.
You know what this means, right??
Yep! No surgery for this gal on Thursday! No, I am not happy
about it either.
For those who are not familiar with my health… Before I
could have the Amputation, my doctor recommended an IVC filter to be placed.
What this does is, prevent the blood clots I developed from the accident from
traveling do to the surgery. If this was to occur, I could end up having a, Stroke,
Pulmonary Embolism, heart attack. Long story short, this was a preventive
measure the doctors felt was important to put into play.
So, two days before the big mutilation date (I mean pretty
much what it was, just a sterile environment. And not illegal), I went in to have
the filter put in place. And now, its time for it to come out.
Does it have to come out right now?
No! but it would be one more thing out of the way.
I would also like to have it removed before I become an
audience target to the whole “If you have had this, and experience a, b, c, or
d... you may be entitled to compensation!”, because this is definitely on that
list, of sketchy medical devices.
But being put under with an upper respiratory issue is
always something they try and avoid if they can.
But it’s a lot worse than just a cough now, not quite sure
if its more than an upper respiratory infection with a 24hour bug. It is going
around, sadly that’s probably exactly what it is.
After waking up and being nauseous, I knew today getting up
and doing the challenge that I originally set out for today, was not going to
happen, plus the rain!
Reasons: 1) Going into public while sick, is a no. 2) My one-legged
self and I don’t really need to be met with slick surfaces.
I’m not going to lie; this challenge is hard and even
painful at times. I mean, it could be the rain causing my pain to be more intense
today. Also, after going 8 months not walking, and starting to jump back into
life as much (even though it doesn’t seem like a lot) as I can.
I can only begin to describe the disappointment this morning
brought. I felt defeated, because, I was ready to just kiss this challenge good
bye.
I can only begin to describe the disappointment this morning
brought.
Not doing anything for the challenge two day so early in,
sick or not, was not acceptable to me. I created this challenge! I did, why to
show people that even on there worse days, not to give up!
Now here I am sick and unwilling to participate!
Physical pain plays a huge role in the struggles as an
amputee, or for anyone who lives a life of pain. But, the hardest battle is the
mental struggle that comes with it.
Since my accident in August, I have lived a foreign life. Everything
I knew before, changed the moment that car came in my lane. The way I do things
changed! The way I looked changed, and the pain I experience now, Psychically,
was an added bonus to the package.
But mentally, it can destroy you!
Everyday I fight to be happy, to be better!
Every day I fight to keep myself from falling into a
darkness, that I may not be able to get out of, once I am in it.
Its scary to thing your own mind can destroy your very existence.
Today, was one of those days, I just had to fight!
Depending on the situation there are tons of things you can
do. Somedays its as simple as just looking in the mirror and repeating positive
words of affirmation.
Then there are days, like today where I just needed someone
to come and talk me through it.
So, I called my cousins Austin and Destinie. I am so grateful
for the people and support I have in my life to help me through times like
these.
Momma Des, came in and whipped me up a delicious wrap for lunch,
served with some nasty greens (yes, I about lost my stomach) to hopefully help
with what ever was making me so sick.
They brought smiles, laughter, and tons of love.
We talked through my mess, Des and I. Sometimes all it takes
is one genuine person to turn a bad day into something good. Once I was better,
I went and washed, and bandaged my residual limb. Meanwhile, they straightened
up the house.
Another positive mood enhancer: a clean, decluttered living
space, can bring so much peace.
I felt such an improvement in my mood (though still some severe
phantom pains) that I felt motivated enough to get the clothes out of the dry
and fold them, even started a second load.
I haven’t done laundry (I’ve had clothes brought to me and I
have folded, but I haven’t attempted to start, or switch it over; and definitely
haven’t transferred the clothes from the dryer) since, well other than once not
long before my surgery, it’s been since before my accident.
The night finished with a lovely dinner, and alone time with
my husband.
I ended up adding to my list of accomplishments on a day,
where I really thought, I couldn’t. I might not have done as much as I had
hoped, But I fought and, survived the day.
If I had not of called Des to come over, it would have ended
different. I would not have even got up out of bed, and probably wouldn’t have
even written this post today.
If you battle with depression or anxiety, or just life gets
to much, try to fight it. Reach out when you can’t do it by yourself.
Never be ashamed to reach out to someone for help; friends,
family, or doctors. Mental health is very dangerous to leave unattended,
please seek help if you ever find yourself struggling. I care about each and
everyone of you, and I hope you never stop fighting.
“You have a friend in me”
Till the next time,
Challenge
Tracker:
1) Cleaned the living room
2) Dishes while standing
3) Yard work (cleaning out
flower beds)
4) Started a Blog
5) Used Crutches
6) Laundry
NO LIMB-ITS CHALLENGE:
Find at least one thing, just one. (Can be more, but not less)
that you are either struggling with or learning something new. Try it and, make
it happen this month!
No excuses, No LIMB-ITS!
Then share! You will be amazed how Contagious, your own strength
and motivation, truly is!
Build yourself, improve yourself, Believe in yourself!
Because at the end of the day, our happiness is our own
responsibility!
(Limb Loss Awareness Month-Challenge)
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