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NO LIMB-ITS CHALLENGE -The Waiting Game!!

 

April 21st, 22nd and 23rd:

This challenge to me was all about seeing what I could actually do, if I just tried. Changing the what ifs into I can(s), and seeing how changing my activity level and mind set, could possibly promote healing (physically).

 

So far, almost everything I had laid out for this month has happened, and I have managed pretty well.

But the things I wanted to accomplish later this month, as in now, is a little more complexed, and health wise according to my doctors I can’t do until after I am healed from my next surgery.

I found out Thursday going to a gym and lifting weights, or anything other than just walking I am not allowed to do.

NEWS FLASH!! I can’t walk yet. When I informed my vascular nurse of this, she felt dumb and realized, that was stupid to suggest.

This is what it looks like on the backend of healing from a surgery that impacts your life the way amputation has.

Waiting… Lots of waiting, and hearing the word NO, a lot.

My Ortho-Trauma surgeon (the one who amputated), states I am allowed to get fitted for my prosthetic, and I can go to a gym and work out.

Then my Vascular Surgeon who says, I can not do strenuous exercises, only walking, till after surgery (removal of IVC filter via through the neck). And they are now unsure about taking me off blood thinners, EVER.

Then there is the lovely Prosthetic team (Shamrock) who believes I should start building strength for when I am able to get a prosthetic, but I can’t be fitted till my scabs are fully gone.

3 people, 3 places who have so much control on what I can and can not do, all with different treatment plans and limits. It’s exhausting, one minute your ready to cry because your Surgeon says, it’s time for you to get your leg. The amount of relief and freedom, an amputee gets from hearing these words, is unimaginable. I can’t even begin to describe the happiness I felt, only to hear from the prosthetic team, I’m still not ready.

Remember when Covid shut down the world?

You couldn’t go nowhere, do nothing, see anyone. All you could do was re-plan that wedding that now is pushed back. That vacation you want to take but can’t till Covid restrictions are released.

That feeling of having your whole life on hold, is probably the closest comparison I can come up with, that everyone can relate too.

Its sitting back and waiting for life to happen, restrictions to be lifted, normalcy to return.

it was more than just the gym, there was more no’s than there were yeses the past couple of days. I felt defeated, and the mixed signals definitely, got my hopes up.  

But this is my normalcy for now.

 I set out to find what I can’t do yet and I found several.

It’s hard to swallow, when your so use to having so much control over your life, to depending on everyone else for; a ride to appointments, or anything you need to do, planning your needs around other people’s lives, is frustrating. And not in an ungrateful way, just waiting.

Its all about timing. And sometimes its just not your time. I understand this, but its difficult to accept.

From the beginning of all this, I knew that there was no guarantee on how the healing process would go.

They hope for 6-8 weeks recovery time. Then 2-3 weeks, after that you would get fitted for your prosthetic, and once that’s done, 1-2 weeks till you receive your leg, In a perfect world that is.

January 28th 2022, the day of my amputation. I am now 12 weeks and 3 days post op, and not even looking to getting fitted anytime soon, maybe next month, but I am not holding my breath.  I just came to realize there is still a lot of healing I have to do, before I can progress in certain areas. As much as it sucks knowing, somethings just can not be right now, I know its temporary and just have to remind myself “In time, it will happen.”

I just can’t give up! I have to focus on the things I can do, to promote me getting to where I need to be. Where I want to be!

So, Friday instead of going to the gym, I kept my oldest son home, for the first time without the help of my parents.

My Nana was here, as she usually is. Being that she is an almost 72-year-old woman who is not in the best of health, the boys have been staying with their aunt, since I have been down.

Something else hard to say is someone else has been raising my kids.

Over all the day went well. It was Sunny and beautiful.

 Bennett before my accident and before his brother was even born were two totally different kids. He was a biter and a hitter, grouchy and wild. That was putting it nicely. I worried about his behavior for a while. What 15-month-old gets kicked out of daycare… Bennett!

He made it impossible for me to work. I was always having to pick him up from daycare for tormenting another toddler for the 3rd time in a week, and the day would only be Tuesday.

They say babies can sense a change (say there is another baby on the way). I honestly believe Bennett was not thrilled to be a big brother.  For the first 2 months of Bears life, Bennett continued to struggle, adjusting to the change, of having another baby around. Then one day, He was giving him a gentle hug and kiss, then he started checking on his brothers every cry. Slowly but surely, Bennett started to calm down a lot.

Now, he still has his days, but for the most part, he’s a really smart, caring and protective little man, with a comical mentality.


Friday was so incredible learning his daily routine again, start to finish. Knowing that I am responsible for his well-being.

Being an active mother once again!

There is nothing like that feeling! It’s something I have yearned for, for 9 months. And He lived. Not once did he become hateful, or mean. We played, and ate, it was like he knew my limits but never pushed them. We started to build a bond again, and I can’t wait till I can have all my kids stay with me again. With out fear or worry about, what do I do if something bad happens, like it is now.

Saturday all the kids stayed home with Nana and I till 12, when it was time for us to go to my nephews first birthday party.

I learned real fast that both boys being home with nana and I alone is not a great idea yet. Though I was grateful to have all of them with me. The boys fought, all day! Biting hitting pushing. They were wild. Bennett would unlock the door and run out (getting latches for the top), Bear was getting into things he doesn’t need to be messing with. It was a mess, to say the least.

But we survived, and made it to the party on time alive.

But for safety of the kids, till I am more mobile, we can not handle them both all day at the same time. One at a time, is all we can handle, which is hard to admit, and just like I said earlier, I feel defeated.

Change is hard, Its even harder when its not planned. When you don’t even see it coming.

This weekend I was thinking back to Bennett and how he was before Bear and now. How my life was before my accident compared to today. How much different my life is just since last month. Change is inevitable, something we are all going to face. But we have to learn how to adapt. Adapting doesn’t have to be negative.

Trusting the process, and embracing it is the hardest part of change. But once you adapt, you find a sense of peace, understanding, and happiness. That’s why they say change is good.

 Even if the situation is horrific (losing a leg is definitely in that category), there is so much good that can happen, I learn more and more about myself each day. I have a different view on life, that allows me to enjoy each moment a little more. And though I don’t know what the rest of this journey holds for me or how long it will take, I will continue adapting to my new normal, all while striving to build the life I want.

“In time, it will happen!”, “Don’t give up!” things I repeat to myself with every no, each let down, and any moment of hopeless ness.

When you feel like you have no control of something, find something you can control, something you can do.

“I can’t walk, but I can hop”, for example. No its nowhere close in comparison of simplicity, but I have to realize, the more I am moving the closer I get to walking.

“I can’t work out the way I would like, but I need to wait to prevent any injury that could delay the process even more.” It’s a set back but if I want to lift weights at the gym again, I need to focus on healing, so I can get to it faster. In the mean time I will do my little home stretches and exercises, to build up the strength for when the time comes.

Its about timing, how you adapt and embrace change depends on how easy that time will be for you!

Take ownership of your happiness!

Realizing you’re the one truly responsible for your happiness, not your spouse your parents, your job, or even your traumas should have that much power. It’s the ugly truth! At the end of the day, its up to you to be happy, even if you need help getting there. Its up to no one, but yourself to make a way for you to be happy.

If you really sit back and think about the steps you would have to take to be ultimately happy, what would those steps be?

Some people know these steps already, and know what to do, some people don’t know where to start so maybe the first thing is you need to speak with a professional, a consultant, or a coach, to help you figure out those steps, that’s fine, it’s to ultimately lead you to being happy.

By looking at where you want to be, who you want to be, and the steps it will take to get there. You then have control of happiness, your fate.

So, I sat back on the swing set and swung as high as I could go, knowing that with in time, it will all fall into place. I will just focus on what all I can control through this process, and building myself up for more.

I found a little bit of peace on that swing Saturday. Just like a kid, not a care in the world. Realizing that it’s going to be okay!

The birthday party was adorable, and over all, a good turn-out. The kids had a blast swinging, sliding, playing with balloons. The food was great as well (my sister always goes above and beyond), But for once I really didn’t feel out of place in a large group. Each day I work towards excepting my new self, and I finally can tell my confidence is getting stronger.

Over all it was an amazingly crazy weekend full of emotions, laughter, fear, fun, and wild memories I will for ever cherish.  The clarity I got from this weekend, however, was PRICELESS. Each day I can tell I’m getting stronger and soon enough, I will be living the life I dream about, as long as I take ownership and choose happiness in the end.

Until next time

 

 Challenge Tracker:

1)      Cleaned the living room

2)      Dishes while standing

3)      Yard work (cleaning out flower beds)

4)      Started a Blog

5)      Used Crutches

6)      Laundry

7)       Cooking

8)       Grocery shopping/ in stores

9)       First awkward moment in public (handled like a champ)

10)     Spent the afternoons at a house other than my own.

11)      Met my first Blog fan.

12)      Sanded and painted a house (living room and hall way)

13)      First Movie Theater experience

14)      First Mother/Daughter outing

15)      First volunteer service since the accident

16)      Hopped up and down stairs

17)       First Pedicure

18)      Watched my kids

20)      First time swinging on a swing (since accident)

 

 

NO LIMB-ITS CHALLENGE:

Find at least one thing, just one. (Can be more, but not less) that you are either struggling with or learning something new. Try it and, make it happen this month!

No excuses, No LIMB-ITS!

Then share! You will be amazed how Contagious, your own strength and motivation, truly is!

Build yourself, improve yourself, Believe in yourself!

Because at the end of the day, our happiness is our own responsibility!

 

(Limb Loss Awareness Month-Challenge)

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